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Birthday Jokes

Birthday Jokes

• Cat: "What did you get him for his birthday?"
  Dog: "Pant . . . pant!"
  Cat: "Great . . . he needs a pair of pants!"




• Did you go shopping for my birthday present?
  Yeah, and I found the perfect thing.
  What thing is that?
  Nothing!




• Do you think my skin is starting to show its age?
  I can't tell. There are too many wrinkles.




• Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.
  Next time don't eat the candles.




• For his birthday the monster asked for a heavy sweater.
  So they gave him a sumo wrestler!




• He is so dumb, he thinks an agent is someone who keeps track of your age!




• I guess I didn't get my birthday wish.
  How do you know?
  You're still here!




• I'm giving a 'surprised' birthday party for you.
  A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's that?
  That's where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, I'll be surprised!




• It's an awful thing to grow old alone. My wife hasn't had a birthday in six years.




• It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.
  Oh, I don't know, she said. "Just give me something with diamonds."
  That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.




• Man 1: "I got my wife a VCP for her birthday."
  Man 2: "Don't you mean a VCR?"
  Man 1: "No, a VCP ... Very Cheap Present!"




• My birthday's coming, Do you know what I need?
  Yeah, but how do you wrap a life?




• My Husband said he wanted a tie for his birthday that matched the color of his eyes - but where can you find a bloodshot tie?




• My wife refuses to use Inter Flora for people's birthdays. She says she doesn't think people would like margarine as a present.




• Were any famous men born on your birthday?
  No, only little babies.




• When I was a child my family were so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older.




• You know you're growing old when by the time you've lit the last candle on the birthday cake, the first one has burned out.




• You know you're growing old when the heat from the candles on the birthday cake keeps you from getting close enough to blow them out.




• When's your birthday?
  July 23.
  What year?
  Every year!

Birthday Knock Knock Jokes

• Knock, knock!
  Who's there?
  Abby!
  Abby who?
  Abby Birthday to you!




• Knock, knock!
  Who's there?
  Ben.
  Ben who?
  Ben over and get your birthday bumps!




• Knock, knock!
  Who's there?
  Freddy.
  Freddy who?
  Freddy to open your presents!




• Knock, knock!
  Who's there?
  Gus.
  Gus who?
  Gus how old I am today!




• Knock, knock!
  Who's there?
  Ivan.
  Ivan who?
  Ivan a piece of your cake!




• Knock, knock!
  Who's there?
  Jimmy.
  Jimmy who?
  Jimmy some ice cream and cake! I'm starving!




• Knock, knock!
  Who's there?
  Mark.
  Mark who?
  Mark your calendars... my birthday's just around the corner!




• Knock, knock!
  Who's there?
  Matty.
  Matty who?
  Matty nice of you to invite me to the party!




• Knock, knock!
  Who's there?
  Omar.
  Omar who?
  Omar goodness! Your present escaped!




• Knock, knock!
  Who's there?
  Wanda.
  Wanda who?
  Wanda wish you a happy birthday!

Birthday Question & Answer Jokes

• Q: What do you give a 900 pound gorilla for his birthday?
  A: I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it!




• Q: Did you hear about the dancer's birthday?
  A: It was a tappy one!




• Q: Did you hear about the flag's birthday?
  A: It was a flappy one!




• Q: Did you hear about the tree's birthday?
  A: It was a sappy one!




• Q: Does a pink candle burn longer than a blue one?
  A: No, they both burn shorter!




• Q: How can you tell if an elephant's been to your birthday party?
  A: Look for his footprints in the ice cream.




• Q: How can you tell that you're getting old?
  A: You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!




• Q: How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday?
  A: He has a whale of a party!




• Q: What are your two favorite times to party?
  A: Daytime and night-time!




• Q: What did one candle say to the other?
  A: Don't birthdays burn you up?




• Q: What did the big candle say to the little candle?
  A: "You're too young to go out."




• Q: What did the birthday balloon say to the pin?
  A: "Hi, Buster."




• Q: What did the ice cream say to the unhappy cake?
  A: "Hey, what's eating you?"




• Q: What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
  A: Angel food cake, of course!




• Q: What do you always get on your birthday?
  A: Another year older!




• Q: What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?
  A: I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it!




• Q: What do you say to a cat on her birthday?
  A: Happy birthday to mew!




• Q: What do you say to a cow on her birthday?
  A: Happy Birthday to Moo!




• Q: What does a basketball player do before he blows out his candles?
  A: He makes a swish!




• Q: What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
  A: Mice cream and cake!




• Q: What does a clam do on his birthday?
  A: He shellabrates!




• Q: What does the hungry monster get after he's eaten too much ice cream?
  A: More ice cream!




• Q: What goes up and never comes down?
  A: Your age!




• Q: What greeting card if on sale only in Kentucky?
  A: "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad."




• Q: What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow?
  A: A birthday pheasant!




• Q: What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake?
  A: Shortcake!




• Q: What is your favorite type of present?
  A: Another present!




• Q: What party game do rabbits like to play?
  A: Musical Hares.




• Q: What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday?
  A: "Happy Birthday To Gnu!"




• Q: What usually comes after the monster lights the birthday candles?
  A: The fire department.




• Q: What was the average age of a cave man?
  A: Stone Age!




• Q: What's the best way to find out an elephant's age?
  A: Check his driver's license.




• Q: What's the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle?
  A: The candle is a thousand times brighter!




• Q: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
  A: When it's been sliced.




• Q: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
  A: In a cat-alogue!




• Q: Where does a snowman put his birthday candles?
  A: On his birthday flake!




• Q: Why are you cutting the cake with a chisel?
  A: Because it's marble cake.




• Q: Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards?
  A: The stamps kept falling off the rocks!




• Q: Why did Davy Crockett always wear a coonskin cap?
  A: It was a birthday present from his wife!




• Q: Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
  A: Because people kept toasting him!




• Q: Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?
  A: He wanted to have a birthday potty!




• Q: Why did the fat monster put a candle on his tummy?
  A: He was celebrating his girthday!




• Q: Why did the man act wild and crazy on his birthday?
  A: He was trying to age disgracefully.




• Q: Why did the monster put the cake in the freezer?
  A: Because he had been told to ice it.




• Q: Why did you buy me a pair of bunny ears?
  A: I wanted you to have a hoppy birthday!




• Q: Why did you hit your birthday cake with a hammer?
  A: Because you said it was pound cake!




• Q: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
  A: Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!




• Q: Why does the monster act wild and crazy on his birthday?
  A: He's trying to age disgracefully!




• Q: Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
  A: Because it was marble cake!




• Q: Why was the monster standing on his head at the birthday party?
  A: He heard they were having upside-down cake




• Q: Why won't anyone eat the dogs birthday cake?
  A: Because he always slobbers out the candles!

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